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Archive for October, 2012

The dance

I haven’t been able to write in a long time.

I’ve had the desire to write, but every time I sat down to write- I’d end up deleting what I was saying or getting stuck and not being able to complete it.

I use this blog a lot to sort out my thoughts on my faith, and so in different seasons of my faith there is a natural ebb and flow of the need and desire to write. It’s usually when the two of those cross each other that I end up writing, I’ve got to have both, it seems.

I’ve had a lot of “soul searching” over the past year and a half, maybe due to the little human I am responsible for or a time of loneliness that I experienced that lasted for longer than I would have liked but changed my perspective in a way greater than I could have anticipated.

I’m not lonely for love, as I have a great family. Really I had just been lonely for relationships. I’ve never wanted to say that, because I appreciate the friends that I have, but sometimes I longed to be invested in instead of investing in everyone else which is where I typically find myself. I can speak about this now, as I have over time built beautiful friendships with intentional investing on both sides.

I finally pinpointed within the last couple of weeks what has kept me from writing my heart out.

I’ve been dwelling on a conversation I had with my friend Andrew. His wife Natalie is someone I consider as one of my most cherished friends. He also blogs, you should read it here.

Andrew and I kind of only have two levels to our friendship, intense sarcasm or intense serious, and there really isn’t much in between. We both have an (overly, at times) analytical mind, so that’s kind of how people like us get along… Quick jabs or deep conversation. I’m giving you more background than you care about, but for my own sake, I like the details when I learn something about myself.

All that to say, during a more serious conversation he said “I keep coming back to the trampoline versus brick wall approach to faith. Meaning if one principle in the faith fails then you don’t lose your faith, because its about something bigger. Where when your faith becomes about the principles and the rules, then it very easily breaks down.”

I’ve been really dealing with the dance between those two over the last year and a half, trampoline vs brick wall. Not to say that I don’t personally think there are some very firm and concrete things in regards to faith, but some things are very fluid issues, and if I let my faith shatter over them- I’ve missed the whole point of faith, it’s not a set of principles to uphold, but more of a dance with the Lord, He leads me and at times there are specifics and concretes but at times there is abandonment of my preconceptions of what the dance should look like or where it is headed.

Anyways, I’m still dwelling on the brick wall vs trampoline effect…but the unveiling alone of such a thought process has really brought me some healing in some areas I’ve otherwise felt jaded.

Here’s to the dance…

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