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Archive for May, 2012

Honesty.

I’m in a season of life that I’m not quite sure how to define.

 

I was lying in bed trying to sleep, and my soul beckoned me to write.  That sounds so dramatic, but it really is true. So, here I am.

 

I’ve been feeling a bit empty lately and lacking joy in my life. Maybe it’s not that obvious. Or maybe it is. I’m not sure how great I am at masking it, maybe decent at best.

 

I don’t quite know if I’m depressed or just fleshing out a new season of life that I’ve not yet been in, but whatever it is, I feel like it is healthy for me to get what is on the inside on the outside. And if you think a blog is no place for that, then you’re entitled to your opinion.

 

You see, something happens when I write.
I wrote a blog two months ago about Brooklyn’s 9-month appointment. Do you want to know how many people read that? 14.
Before that post, I wrote one about parents and how you shouldn’t ignore your kid’s (read: teenager’s) needs. Do you want to know how many people read that? 92.

 

That was the first legitimate blog I had written in awhile. Because I had gotten a little intimidated to share my heart with you. Whenever I write extremely honest blogs, I tend to remember more of the people that give me negative feedback (and not the constructive kind) than those that appreciate my honesty.

 

Looking back at stats, you people want more of my straightforward thoughts and less of my updates on my little sweet pea (although I’ll still keep those around for the grandparents J ).

 

But, as an avoidance mechanism, I’ve been giving you facts about what percentile my child’s weight and height is, but really- who cares about that much besides a mom and maybe grandparents?

 

I know I need to be better at making myself vulnerable to you people. Because whoever you 92 people are, you validate me in a way. And I owe it to you to stop avoiding honesty in my life.

 

Because, I feel like when I’m honest, it gives you a chance to not feel alone.

 

Although I have had people negatively respond to my honest thoughts, I can also think of countless people that have sent me private messages or emails when I have written my most honest blogs, that, sure- may be controversial or hard to read- but in some way…have helped someone feel like they aren’t alone in their thoughts, that someone else is thinking or feeling or going through what they are going through. And that’s what we all crave, isn’t it? Honesty. Someone, who, when asked “How’s it going?” says “Not that great” instead of “good, you?”  Which is so typical of us, isn’t it?

 

I  want to live a life free of pretense. In a step towards that, I am here to tell you that I don’t have it all together right now, not as a cry for help…I know there are ups and downs in life, but I say that because maybe you don’t have it all together either…and maybe you’re tired of acting like you do and maybe you just needed to hear someone else admit to that, too.

 

So whoever you are, you aren’t alone. There’s a new season ahead.

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