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Archive for July, 2011

Motherhood

It’s hard to believe my little peanut is going to be a month old this weekend. Where does time go?!

I’ve had a lot of thoughts on motherhood since I’ve become a part of this “club”. I thought I’d share them, so that I remember them later on. Thanks for being my audience.

There’s this automatic change that happens when you become a mom. The moment I held that baby girl for the first time I felt such conflicting feelings. I felt the need to protect and provide, but I also felt inadequate and overwhelmed by the task at hand.

I mentioned that motherhood is a “club”, and it really is an unspoken club. Nearly every mom you come in contact with after you give birth – there’s just a moment where your eyes meet and it’s like you silently dwell in the fact that you both know how difficult pregnancy and delivering a child can be, and they nod with their eyes as if to say “you made it, and you’re doing just fine”. It’s reassuring.

There is no “one” way to parent your child and all mothers are different. Figuring things out is a difficult thing but a rewarding thing.

In the late nights, especially the first week, it is really hard to figure out: are you hungry? sleepy? did you poop (ok that’s kind of easy to figure out…)? or are you just tired? Night time can be full of terribly frustrating moments.

There are rewarding moments though, like I mentioned earlier. Like, when you are out in public or around family and friends and your little one cries and you know what they need. The moment I swaddle her and hold her close, in the moments where she stops fussing and settles close to my neck and starts cooing and breathing sweetly, I just know I have to be beaming – I feel so confident in those moments. I feel peace in those moments.

Motherhood also brings on this intense sense of ownership. The first few times we had people over that wanted to hold her, I would sometimes have to excuse myself to go back in my room and just cry. I don’t like giving her away. I know, that’s nuts. I know, it’s controlling. But, you know me- I just like to speak honestly. I am getting better at it and enjoy watching others enjoy her, but the first few times I had to hand her over were a little rough.

I know this is short, but I just had a few thoughts I didn’t want to forget. So when I’m around other new moms I can remember these things.

We have B’s 1 month appointment on Monday 🙂 looking forward to updating on her progress. She’s growing so much 🙂

 

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The long awaited post.

I’ve been wanting to blog about Brooklyn’s birth story, but I feel sleep deprived most of the time which doesn’t lend to good blogging :). The peanut is sleeping now, which is a good time for me to write. Also a good time for me to sleep. But I did get a few hours of sleep last night.

I tend to be overly detailed, so – sorry in advanced!

Here’s what life was like the weekend our babe was born:

Thursday – June 16th ::

I had a doctor’s appointment scheduled this morning and Joseph decided he would go with me. We knew there was a chance that they would want us to schedule an induction since I was 40weeks 1day at this appointment, so we headed to the appointment with some dates in mind. We were thinking starting the induction process on Monday June 20th would work out well, so that’s what we had in mind. Dr. Finlon came in and checked me out – still no progress from the week before. Barely dilating, blood pressure abnormally high (for me), no sign of Brooklyn coming on her own. Dr. Finlon said he was going to step out and check on dates we could come in to start induction, and we chimed in about Monday. A few moments later he came back in the room and said “Well, we’re pretty booked Monday, so you’ll need to come back in tonight to get everything started. Be here by 7pm, eat before you come”       WHAT. what?! 7pm, that night? I don’t think I’ll ever forget what hearing those words felt like. I’d been waiting 40 weeks to meet this cutie, but now it all seemed SO fast. Our ride home was kind of funny as Joseph and I were both in semi-freak-out mode. We called the ‘rents and let them know what was going on and then decided we’d grab a pizza for my “last lunch” haha. Most of the afternoon we spent watching t.v., cuddling with Marley, and occasionally saying back and forth “gosh, tonight?” and then letting out a few sighs. HAHA. Having a baby is intimidating enough on it’s own, let alone planning to have one when your body doesn’t show signs of being ready.

Anyways, we decided to eat at Panera for my “last dinner”, and after I downed some mac&cheese – we checked into the hospital. I felt a lot of nerves rise up in me. What was labor going to feel like? What was delivery going to feel like? Was she really going to be a girl? (there’s always that chance they miss something on the ultrasound machine….) Thursday night was pretty low-key. I had some medicine that was helping my body prepare for the pitocin that I would get the next morning, so that when the contractions started, I would be ready for it. We watched a movie or maybe two – don’t quite remember, and then settled in for a good awful nights sleep. Because of my blood pressure issue – they came in and checked my blood pressure every 15 minutes, even ambien didn’t knock me out. Such is life.

Friday – June 17th ::

They brought me my “clear liquids” breakfast Friday morning. Gag. Who wants to eat chicken broth for breakfast? Not me. But I did, because I knew I’d need the energy later. The nurses set up my pitocin drip and said the doctor would be in to check me shortly. Mid-morning Dr. Rollins came in and said she was going to see what kind of progress I had made. I was pretty sure I had made some progress because contractions were getting strong. She checked me and….NOTHING. NO change from 7pm Thurs night to 11am Fri morning. What. a. bummer. Dr. Rollins said she was going to go ahead and break my water to speed things up, so I said cool beans. Then five minutes later I said OUCH! Getting my water to break HURT. If it breaks naturally, I read that you don’t feel it. Also if you have an epidural, you don’t feel it. However, when you are completely aware of what is going on, and a coat hanger type thing goes to break your water – it’s painful. So from 11am – 230pm we waited…contractions were getting NUTS, I was grumpy and sad and crying and trying to “hee hee hee hee ha hee hoooo” myself through them, and that was not fun. Joseph became a champ at reading the monitor telling me when a “big one” was coming. At least knowing in advance made me feel better? Or something like that. Anyways at 230pm the doctor came back in to check me. I knew I had to be a good 6-7cm because of all the pain I was feeling. JOKES on me. 3cm. Barely 1cm more than when they checked me before. The doctor said I was okay to get the epidural at anytime, I just needed to say the word. Well “word!”. I told the nurse I was game for the epidural now (and about THREE HOURS AGO! haha) so she put in a call to the anesthesiologist. A little while later he arrived and I got my epidural. It was awesome, I didn’t feel a thing, and I was a much happier person 🙂

Two hours after getting the epidural the doctor came in again. I expected her to say I was 4cm dilated or something around there, since I had not been progressing on my own and they say the epidural can slow labor down. I almost wanted to cry at the thought of the news, but then she said “you’re a good 7 cm!”. WHAT. Yes. yes yes yes! So, take that “labor slows down with an epidural” nay-sayers!

Let me interject here that throughout the day we had family pop in and out of the room, wanting an update. Previous to this when people would come in for an update I felt like I was at a bad comedy show and I wanted to have a rotten tomato in my hand to throw every time someone would ask “when ya gonna bring that little girl out?” or “how far along are we mommy?” …not cool when you don’t have control and it is taking awhile. However, when I started progressing – I wanted to shout it from a loud speaker! I texted everyone in the waiting room and told them the positive news. My phone saves a record of my text messages, at 4:48 pm I texted my mom about being 7cm. Just two hours later at 6:54pm I sent another text that we’ll address in a moment. After I found out I was 7cm I think I could mentally let myself rest, so then I was finally able to fall asleep for a little while. Joseph and I both took a nap and then saw a few more visitors. Around 6:45 we were just chatting and I said I’m pretty sure I need to push. The nurse on call said “already?” and I said, I guess or I have to go to the bathroom? She said the doctor would be making rounds within an hour but she’d go ahead and check me just to make sure all was well. She said she didn’t even get half and inch inside before she felt Brooklyn’s head. She said hang on- I’m gonna call the doctor and if she doesn’t get here in time, we’ll be fine! Time to push! SO…text sent at 6:54pm to Momma saying “Gonna push!”

They made me wait a minute while they prepared the bed and everything, although I kept saying I need to push. I need to push. I need to push! In walks Dr. Rollins and she coaches me on what pushing will be like, and how to push, all the while I’ve been told all day since I’m slow at progressing it could take a good 2-3 hours to push. SO we’re prepared to have a baby around 9-10pm. I’m amped up and exhausted all at the same time and they give me the go-ahead to push. I just look at Joseph the whole time because I feel like I will die if I look anywhere else. I push and they see her hair. What?! This is fast, I thought. I push again and they tell me she’s almost here. I feel my strength fading. I push one more time and I hear her cry! Wow, she’s here!!! I push a final time and it is all over? 10 minutes of pushing and my little Brooklyn is in the world. What a crazy, amazing, exhausting, worth-it experience. She is indeed a girl, by the way. So, no more wondering about that, haha. Joseph takes pictures while they are weighing her and cleaning her up. Born at 7:07pm, at 7lbs 12oz and 21 inches long. She came out crying and was quickly consoled when she was allowed to eat 🙂 haha, and boy did she eat!

I didn’t cry when she came out, like I thought I would. I was more stunned at this tiny little person who found comfort by me. I can’t exactly say that I’ve ever been the most motivated person in life or had a great sense of direction for my purpose. But holding her, I knew that my purpose was being fulfilled, I was now the keeper of this baby…this little woman, and would be faced for the duration of our lives in guiding her in Christ and loving her unconditionally.

After our little family spent time together, Joseph called all the troops in – and when I say troops, I mean troops. Check the pics on facebook- there was nearly 40 people in the room with us after she was born. I almost had an anxiety attack but just kept watching my little peanut go from one person to the next and her little face kept me at ease.

The rest of the weekend is so clear still and yet such a blur. So many details I could bore you with, but they are probably only significant to me, haha. You can only read about someone else’s child’s first bath, smile, poop, melt-down, etc for so long before it all sounds the same.

I’m really thankful that our family has expanded and although it is TOUGH being new parents, I know we will be blessed through her life and I pray she is a strong example of Christ.

We’re really thankful to everyone who has called, stopped by, fed us, and written cards. Your love has helped us get through some of these sleepless nights and frantic first moments when you’re trying to figure everything out.

I’ll update again in a few days or weeks to let you know how we’re all doing!

P.S. she’s already growing like a champ – yesterday she weighed 8lbs 4oz, grow baby girl grow!

Love,

Alyssa

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