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Archive for November, 2009

Comfort.

If anyone were going to get emotional about something as simple as a bed, it’d be me. And I did. It wasn’t so much the mattress and box springs but more the symbol of comfort and stability they had been in my life.

I’m sure if you’re reading my blog you know I’m getting married in a little over a month. With the combination of a wedding coming and the holidays fast approaching, our house has been recieving a face lift. Blair has been planning to use my furniture and my bed after I move out, so I’ve been packing moving all of my clothes out of my drawers…or well, off the floor:-). Dad wanted to get Blairs new room situation together before Thanksgiving so I’ve been moving all of my clothes to our spare room and to various boxes. The process of moving all of my clothes out of my drawers-or off the floor- has made this idea of “moving out and getting married” thing a little bit more of a reality.

However, a few nights ago I got a lot more dose of reality than I was prepared for.

I recieved a call from my mom while I was babysitting that my furniture had successfully been moved to blairs room (cool, I was prepared for that) and then shared that they had moved my bed too. What? My bed. My bed? My bed! (insert highly emotional drop of the hat makes you cry tears)

I felt invaded.

My countless years spent sleeping in that bed I would get over. There was something else, something more that hit my gut. This room, this arragement, that bed, they had all been a place I retreated to at the end of the day with my thoughts, and my thoughts alone. So while getting over my comfortable bed will come soon enough- what about the comfort OF my bed? What about the nights I couldn’t sleep? What about all the prayers I had prayed face down in my pillow? What about all of the smiles and giggles when a goodnight phone call ended? What about the tears of a day gone crazy? What about the silent rejoicing of seeing God’s plan unfold before my eyes? What about having a place that felt every laugh or cry at the end of my day? How could I say goodbye so quickly to my one place I could go alone, I could be free to be whatever mood I wanted to be. This was all too fast.

As all of these thoughts were racing through my head, I’m sure my family or fiancĂ© thought I had joined the nut house because I was so sentimental over a mattress, but I guess this is part of being the bride, you feel things others do not. Something so simple, can hit you on such a deep level.

That night I got home and I went to my empty room with my replacement bed and took a look around. The bare floors and unfitting sheets did not feel familiar. I grabbed my stuffed animal pig that i’ve had since I was a baby and enjoyed its familiarness.

There is no resolution to this post, no great moment of liberation that made me embrace the make-shift room.

I feel my humanness in times like these, in my unfailing ability to not grasp Christs comfort at all times, after all, I know He is the one who was listening all those nights- and that is comforting.

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