Archive for December, 2008


I just wrote in my personal journal and it got a little heavy, so I needed to write a light-hearted blog.

Since 2008 is ending, and it has been one of my most challenging years :), I figured I would write 10 things I truly enjoyed about this year, completely unbiased to how things are now.

In no specific order…

1. Standing in line with Ryan and being one of the first 100 people at Shane’s Rib Shack on the day of the race and getting a tshirt and free ribs.

2. Attending three awesome concerts: Hanson, Jonas Brothers, John Mayer. Don’t hate.

3. My first Hillsville adventure.

4. My surprise 20th birthday party, even though it wasn’t a surprise.

5. Going through the bible study Behind Those Eyes.

6. My amazing shoes that I just got from Christa, yes, that is a big enough deal to be on this list.

7. Having an avenue for release, in my red journal from Justin, which has pushed me to write my book and be so close to finishing!

8. The most relaxing beach trip my family has ever had.

9. Learning an amazing way to play UNO, with some amazing people.

10. Receiving my associates/transferring to UNC Charlotte!!!


With that said, I am excited about 2009 and everything it will bring.

Love, Me.


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Silence is so loud to me.

I suppose that is an oxymoron to most, but I am sitting here at 1:3o a.m. and the silence is almost smothering me. I remembered writing a couple of years ago about silence and noise, and the correlation between the two, so I found that and decided to share, enjoy my crazy mind:

“September 23, 2005

Silence screams to the core of me.  Noise is sometimes needed for me, to block out my own thoughts. When it is silent, I am overtaken by endless thoughts, and whether I desire to combat them out of my mind or not, it does not matter. For in the silence, my head is filled with noise. I become so overwhelmed with my psychoanalytical mind, that I almost can not think one thought through completely, before another one starts to form. My mind is like a mouse on a wheel, continually turing – with no end in sight. It is so easy to ignore and suppress when there is constant noise: loud music, conversation, a barking dog.  Distraction. But here, in the silence, it is almost too loud to bare.”

Maybe I have such a hard time sleeping because my mind will not shut off, ever. Especially in this silence.



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The wheels of my mind have been in motion for a good part of the day. I guess they are never fully at a halt, however at church this morning they were at full speed for a majority of the time. I went to HG North for Sunday School (hello to my eleventh graders, =] ) , and then I went to HG Main for elevenAM and a free college lunch, free food is always a good way to attract college students – let’s face it, we are all poor. As I was sitting in elevenAM listening to Brian Boyles deliver one of the greatest messages I have heard in a very long time, my mind kept prompting me to think of the many times I had been in that same service [elevenAM] in the past year in a different stage of life. I began to visualize myself on preceding Sundays and went through a series of memories both good and bad of the many stages of life I have been through during my time in that service, and furthermore during my time at Hickory Grove. I could see myself at the welcome area, the first Sunday we had elevenAM – hoping we would have some sort of turn out. I could see myself off on a side row, in the dim-lit gym, listening to the words of Grace Flows Down with tears flowing down my face in the midst of a conflict I was facing earlier this year. I could see myself in the back row, one Sunday, after coming in late and being frustrated with myself that I could not focus on a screen for the sermon. Not only did I see myself in the many services I had attended there, I could see myself in the hallways reliving conversations I had long forgotten, and some I will never forget. I could see myself in the hallway before entering, just people watching as members and guests entered. I kept thinking about the many times I had been in this one place, and how different each stage of my life has been, how many hidden thoughts I had, joyful times I had seen, or hard concepts to grasp – all within this one service. Furthermore than the service, I thought about the many stages I’ve been in, while serving at Hickory Grove, and while some more public than others- I have learned from each one of them to form the person I am, and will forever be becoming. As I thought about these many stages and phases, the message I was hearing seemed more and more like the story of my life – instead of a hypothetical situation. Brian spoke a lot about the times in our life when things do not play out in “our favor”, and we hold our fists to God, challenging Him. Making statements asking Him if He is really who He says He is, why is this happening? I thought about the countless times I have been restless for God’s will. Though, not un-trusting of Him, I have been restless. I think that is a hard concept for many people to grasp that you can actually be a Christian, and have your trust in God, but be uncertain of His will at the same time. Uncertainty and doubt are not hand in hand. I thought about the times I have been quick to hold God to His Word, while overlooking the promise I have made to Him to have life dedicated to him no matter the circumstance. While all these thoughts were swimming around, Brian then made a comment that made complete sense. There is a reason we are called CHILDREN of God, instead of really-mature-adults of God. We act childishly. We can not grasp spiritual maturity, fully. We can grow daily, but we will never reach the point of true contentment, and I feel whoever says they are – may be the furthest away from it.  We spend too much time seeking contentment, instead of seeking Christ. We expect our way to be His way, and overlook His way for our way. We put our Faith in our emotions, situations, our future, and so many other things, instead of putting our Faith into the one who can grab us out of death and bring us life, no matter how weak or strong we are. My Faith has gone through immense amounts of stretching in 2008, and as it is coming to a close, I can look back on the ups and downs, and see the same consistency in Christ that will always be there, and how thankful I am for the consistency, let me tell you. So, as I have said many times before, when I feel something is worth writing about, I feel confident that there is someone else who may need to hear the challenging words God is speaking to me about. In all the stages of my life, through spiritual  maturity and immaturity, emotional stability and instability, mental capability and incapability…there is one thing that will forever be the same, Christ. That is a great enough truth  and encouragement to keep me seeking and on my knees and praising His Name, everyday.

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