Comfort.

If anyone were going to get emotional about something as simple as a bed, it’d be me. And I did. It wasn’t so much the mattress and box springs but more the symbol of comfort and stability they had been in my life.

I’m sure if you’re reading my blog you know I’m getting married in a little over a month. With the combination of a wedding coming and the holidays fast approaching, our house has been recieving a face lift. Blair has been planning to use my furniture and my bed after I move out, so I’ve been packing moving all of my clothes out of my drawers…or well, off the floor:-). Dad wanted to get Blairs new room situation together before Thanksgiving so I’ve been moving all of my clothes to our spare room and to various boxes. The process of moving all of my clothes out of my drawers-or off the floor- has made this idea of “moving out and getting married” thing a little bit more of a reality.

However, a few nights ago I got a lot more dose of reality than I was prepared for.

I recieved a call from my mom while I was babysitting that my furniture had successfully been moved to blairs room (cool, I was prepared for that) and then shared that they had moved my bed too. What? My bed. My bed? My bed! (insert highly emotional drop of the hat makes you cry tears)

I felt invaded.

My countless years spent sleeping in that bed I would get over. There was something else, something more that hit my gut. This room, this arragement, that bed, they had all been a place I retreated to at the end of the day with my thoughts, and my thoughts alone. So while getting over my comfortable bed will come soon enough- what about the comfort OF my bed? What about the nights I couldn’t sleep? What about all the prayers I had prayed face down in my pillow? What about all of the smiles and giggles when a goodnight phone call ended? What about the tears of a day gone crazy? What about the silent rejoicing of seeing God’s plan unfold before my eyes? What about having a place that felt every laugh or cry at the end of my day? How could I say goodbye so quickly to my one place I could go alone, I could be free to be whatever mood I wanted to be. This was all too fast.

As all of these thoughts were racing through my head, I’m sure my family or fiancé thought I had joined the nut house because I was so sentimental over a mattress, but I guess this is part of being the bride, you feel things others do not. Something so simple, can hit you on such a deep level.

That night I got home and I went to my empty room with my replacement bed and took a look around. The bare floors and unfitting sheets did not feel familiar. I grabbed my stuffed animal pig that i’ve had since I was a baby and enjoyed its familiarness.

There is no resolution to this post, no great moment of liberation that made me embrace the make-shift room.

I feel my humanness in times like these, in my unfailing ability to not grasp Christs comfort at all times, after all, I know He is the one who was listening all those nights- and that is comforting.

Camp.

Just got home from camp (well, I ate dinner first – come on, I needed some real food ha ha). The Lord was very present, as always, at Camp Paradise this year. I am so encouraged by all the students who made decisions for Christ as well as recognized areas of their lives they need to focus on.

Aside from God’s will being carried out through the presentation of his word by awesome speaker Jared Herd and wonderful worship from Exodus (band from Liberty University) there was a lot of fun had.

I’m very sleepy but I have to unpack and I have school work (rolls eyes) so I’ll leave you with a mini-Inside the Mind:

- Leaders Dance Party 09, off the charts in awesomeness

- Coach Snyder and Ceicel definitely give me the creeps

-Frostbite, ‘nough said

- 1 John, read it

- Lily Powers, favorite baby

//

live.love they’re gifts from above

Habitual Nature.

I was observing my kids at the daycare today, and I suddenly felt God teaching me a lesson. All of humanity needs to learn the lesson – yet because of the subject matter of the lesson itself, we never learn it. The lesson is learning restrain and overcoming habitual wrong doing.

While the kids were playing in centers today, one of my kids thru a toy at the wall. I called him down and told him not to throw toys at the wall. After walking away from me, he thru the toy at the wall. I think, consciously, to get a reaction for me. Secondly, because things we are held back from, we are continually tempted to engage in- so my correction became a source of temptation. So, after the second instance of throwing the toy into the wall, I sat him down and said that throwing the toy can be damaging to the property, God’s house ( the Church…), could injur another little boy or girl, and not only that – but doing something after your teacher has told you not to is disrespectful. Then, I said if he thru the toy again, he would have to sit in time-out, not able to play with any toys at all.

Of course, like a typical two-year-old, he walked away eyeing me the whole time. A good thirty seconds went by and he casually looked over his shoulder to see if I was still watching. I was. It was in this moment I began to see the lesson being taught to me, so I responded. I looked away from him, and within the five seconds I looked away THUD, the toy hit the wall.

We, myself included – myself especially, do this to God everyday! Whatever sin entangles you, or bad habit surrounds you, we take it to the next level. God guides us not to engage, and what do we do? Act out again. Then God leads  us to correction, explaining the painful or damaging ramifications of our wrong doing, and then what do we do? We test Him. We walk away from our time with God, eyeing Him. Plotting. Waiting for the moment we feel the severity of the issue has ceased and we disobey.

We are like children, having distaste for the correction our Teacher provides, because we are enjoying ourselves.

It reminded me of the line in the song “All for Love” – Hillsong

“Oh how many times have I broken Your heart
But still You forgive
If only I ask
And how many times have You heard me pray
Draw near to me”

How many times do we break God’s heart? How many times do we do things over and over, even when we know it is wrong. Furthermore than that, I began to think about the second part of those lyrics: how many times have I asked God to draw near, when He is already near? I am the one who is far.

It’s my prayer for you and for me that we would not test God, and not distrust God. He knows what is best, and He does not fail us, especially when we ask Him to draw near.

 

–

Live/Love, they’re gifts from above.

Daddy.

I’ve had one of those days where it’s been sort of – bleh.

This isn’t going to be long, just sort of had something on my mind.

I had thoughts going through my head most of the day and because of that, I was in my own little world. I’m sure most of those who came in contact with me could tell that I wasn’t myself. There are a few things on my mind still currently, but one of the things that is weighing heaviest on my heart is a conversation that took place between me and one of my kids at work.

My three-year-olds were sitting in a circle in front of me on Monday as they always do. During circle time we go over the weather and change the clothes for the frog on the bulletin board, he’s wearing Hawaiian pants and holding sunscreen right now, because it’s been so hot! We had calendar time where we talked about the month and the day of the week, and then we discussed the theme of the week. Each week in my classroom we have a different theme. This week was “All about Dad” because Fathers Day is fast approaching. I was showing them the fun activities/crafts we’ll be doing this week. I explained that all of these crafts were going to be sent home at the end of the week so that they could show them to their dads and tell him how special he is.

Timidly, one of my children raised their hand: “Miss Alyssa… I don’t have a daddy.” Heart break. Quickly reality slammed into me like a brick wall as I remembered that his dad has never been involved in his life. I hurt for him, knowing that this was one of the first times he’d understand the difference of having or not having a father involved in your life. Fighting tears back from my eyes I told him about another Father he had, God, and how as he grew up God would be there to teach him, love him, and hold him.

Whatever kind of relationship you have with your parents, remember that there is a heavenly Father who will never leave you or disappoint you. If you have attentive and loving parents, praise the Lord that He has set these examples in your life. If you don’t, then I pray God reveals Himself to you as your Caretaker and Eternal Father.

 

Special thanks to God for sending me a father who told me about the Father.

Engagement.

Where it happened...

So, everyone wants to know the proposal story…so I figured I would blog about it.

Joseph and I were headed to go hiking on a trail at Crowder’s Mountain. His birthday is this Tuesday (June 9), so I thought we were going hiking for his “birthday weekend”. We went up a pretty strenuous trail. I’ll interject that previous to reaching the steep inclines and large rocks we had to cross, I was making fun of the map saying that it would be strenuous – after all, we’ve trained for a half-marathon, how bad could a 2 mile hike be?  It took us a little under a hour, we walked at a fairly leisurely pace, taking pictures along the way of God’s awesome creation. We reached the peak of the mountain, and sat down on a rock just admiring the view over the city. There were a few other groups of people that were circulating in and out of the overlook. We were enjoying some PB&J sandwiches, along with a few of my favorite snacks when there were no other people around at the top, and Joseph went to put his water bottle back in his book bag. He came back with a tiny box in his hand, he got down on one knee, looked at me and said the reason for this hike was not about me or my birthday, but because I wanted to ask you, Alyssa, if you will be my wife? I, of course, said yes and then he gave me another surprise, a journal of letters he had written over the last thirty days (one each day) of his journey and thoughts leading up to the proposal. We spent the next hour or so calling to tell family members and friends of the great news! We spent the evening at my house with friends and family, thanks to a cookout my sister and Joseph had planned. It was wonderful.

I’m looking forward to the wedding planning, and appreciate all the congratulations from all of you.

 

Love,

Alyssa

Inside the Mind #6

- Sunshine is awesome!

- Mere and Justin, married for two weeks so far…seen them once. Ha ha, only a few more hours.

- My room is clean.

- Found two lizards outside my house, failed in catching them.

- Going hiking next Saturday, woo hoo.

- It’s June tomorrow? Wow.

- The 600 was disappointing

- Vacation highlights:  
     *Edisto Island is peaceful and quiet, downside – everyone drives slow
     * Turbo Jam kicked my butt
     * Two hour walks are a new favorite hobby of mine
     * Hawaiian Punch, yum!
     * It’s nice to feel like family around people who aren’t your actual family
     * Wish I would have taken more pictures
    

- Live and Love, they’re gifts from above.

Time.

I just don’t have time for this.

Not, this, as in my blog. This, as in the situations…seeming obligations…constant pleasing of people.

I feel like saying that phrase, nearly ten times a day. Ok, maybe not that much. At least a few times a week. “I just don’t have time for this”.

I wonder if any of you readers or fellow bloggers ever just feel your humanness take ever. The inability to make time, when you 1) don’t want to 2) care more about other things.

The emails from friends saying “Why haven’t you called me?” to which my first thought is ‘You haven’t called me either…’ , the pushing of others to volunteer at yet another event. The never-ending demands of life in general. If I’m sounding cynical, I can say nothing but read the name of my blog “take it…or leave it.”

Now the reason I feel that I don’t have time for these things, is simply because I don’t merit them important enough. There is one thing on my mind that I want to bend over backwards to do: make time for my Creator. He is my breath of fresh air. If that puts you at the bottom of my list, I’m becoming okay with that. Because for awhile, I’ve let Him be the one that suffers moving down my list of priorities.

As Christians I feel like we miss the point of falling in love with this Man who has given His life for us. We serve others so much: friends, church, job, etc. But, none of that…and I mean NONE of that means anything, if you are not first serving the Lord. I don’t mean serving the Lord like serving in obvious ways so that people think you are where you are supposed to be, I mean serving Him – on your face asking what He desires for you, reading His word, praying for His guidance.

I want my heart to be so in tune with the Lord that I forget about hurting people’s feelings, or giving off the wrong impression. Glorifying Him is all I want to care about doing.

Oh, by the way, my sister is getting married in two days. So excited about that. I think this journey to preparing for the big day is the main thing that has pushed me to figure out why I have been neglecting things, even things like cleaning my room. I’ve seen how much preparation goes into preparing for your wedding day. So many details, endless details. There are smiles, laughs, tears, pains…all to make sure that day of uniting is so prepared for that it flows naturally.

WHY are we not like that with Christ? He is coming back, you know. If you are a believer, are you taking care of all the details? Not the exterior details, but the interior ones. Stop saying you trust or seek, and seriously do it. God has sent you His word, for a reason. He lays things on your heart, for a reason. I wonder when we will quit neglecting His deliberate presence in our life, and stop paying attention to the other things that we feel we have to spend time on…like those friendships or that opportunity to serve. Friendships, serving, succeeding at your job is all wonderful, but if you are not seeking His direction before any of those, then you are doing yourself no good. I’m no example to follow, because I have let these things go on the back burner, I am thankful to Him for revealing to me areas I have been weak.

So, I’m going to makie it a point to put the Lord before all- and if that leaves me at a place with a few neglected emails, or not over-committing because you’re “supposed” to serve your church, I’m okay with that. I want to plan for the big day of my uniting with Him, and with His help, I’m not going to let anything get in my way.

Different Direction.

Well, I guess I knew this was coming.

Sigh.

I was about to fall asleep, but I knew I’d be up thinking about today, so I decided just to get it all out. I need some sleep, badly. That won’t come until I’ve written.

I should be sitting here telling you about my great time for today, and how I finished in the half marathon 2 and a half hours and some change. I should be telling you about how great it feels to go after something, train, and complete…the liberating feeling of accomplishing something. I should be making parallels to the race to be like Christ, and how freeing running across the finish line will be much the same as entering Heaven.

However, I’m not.

I’m here to tell you that things do not always go as planned, and you don’t always get to parallel the parts of your life you want to the stories you have thought up in your head.

I didn’t finish today. Didn’t even come close.

Around mile marker three, I got very sick. I thru up for a good bit and had some other problems as well. Thus, I had to put my body first, instead of my drive to finish and feel accomplished.

Sometimes we don’t get where we’re trying to go in life. Sometimes God takes us on a different path. Today was disappointing, no doubt about that. The three mile walk back, alone, seemed a lot longer than the three miles I was headed in the right direction of where I wanted to go in this race.

I know there will be other opportunities to race, and I’m looking forward to continue my training so that I am ready for that.

In the mean time, I plan to appreciate each situation thrown in my life, even the ones that do not play to my favor. Had I not went back when I did, I would not have been able to see Joseph, Mallory, and Lisha cross the finish line – I am so proud of them!! They did awesome!

Ok, feeling a little better – and extremely tired, goodnight.

1/2

Running my half marathon tomorrow!

WOAH.

Ok, no time to blog lots of thoughts, so since I am getting off the computer to do something productive you should too.

Ultimate Woman.

There are a great deal of women that have impacted my life more than they know – of that I’m sure.

I was thinking just now that if I could compile the ideal woman, there are certatin traits I would want to glean from each woman I look up to.

First and foremost, I’d have to exempt my mom from this group – I’m biased in thinking she is the ultimate package .

I think if I were to be any mom, if I were able to grasp the ability to truly embrace motherhood – I would want to be like Amy Boyles. I’ve been moved to tears on numerous occasions observing her selflessness as well as dedication to her children. Besides making mention of the Lord and His work in her life, praises and stories of her children are always spilling out of her lips. I will have to make sure Lulu and Jackson know how important their mom is when they are older…

If I could have the poise and beauty of any woman it would have to be Lacy Peacock. She is so gentle and pleasant to be around, and she looks stunning every time I see her. It seems like each outfit is effortlessly meant to go with every hue in her hair and eyes.

If I could have the hospitality of anyone, it would be Lisa Roberts. I don’t think Lisa has ever turned me away from showing up at their house, eating their food, or taking chocolate off of her desk. Oh, I’d also like Lisa’s sense of humor too…

I’d love to embrace the confidence Jennifer Daniel has. She is seemingly so sure of herself, and her guidance has pushed me to be confident in the Lord’s plan for me and to go after my dreams.

If I could have the faith of any woman, this would be a tie between Shelly Edwards and Stephanie Bauer (Stephanie’s bday is on Christmas, I always joke with my mom that it is because she is so close to Christ, God gave them the same bday). I have seen Shelly many times sharing her faith with someone and challenging others to get in the Word themselves and Stephanie is constantly praying for a lost person or sending scripture to a struggling believer. Such a breath of fresh air in a world full of fools.

If I could be a friend like anyone I would be like Michele Spicer. One of the greatest listening ears I’ve ever known. For myself and others close to me. Michele has both aspects of listening covered: listening and responding, as well as listening and allowing that needed silence to occur.

Finally, if I could possess the organizational skills of Carter Faucette, that would probably complete my list. Carter can probably do 18 things at one time, flawlessly.

The binding thread in each of these women is their love for the Lord, and through that all these traits become alive.

Lord, help me to love you so much it hurts, and through that- become the woman you are molding me to be.